Tuesday, April 14, 2015

A Conversation With Myself

Dear reader,

On day 14 we are prompted to write a poem that involves a conversation. I knew that this would not be a hard write, but on the other hand, it is a difficult one. This poem is the most emotionally charged piece I have written this month. The conversation I chose to write is a one person narrative, and after you read the poem you will see that there are different sides to this one person. Yes dear reader, this one person is bi-polar.

And yes, this one person is me. I was diagnosed as bi-polar a couple months ago. I have chosen to keep it silent (except family and some very close friends) until now. This prompt really moved me to reveal this. I think it works well. The poem does not reflect everything I go through, but it will give you an indication of a bit of it. I pray that I will not be judged based on this, but rather I encourage people to learn about mental health issues that many of us deal with everyday.

Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok
April 14, 2015

My thoughts upon waking
are vibrant, excited.
A new day has dawned,
more chances
to make a difference
in this little world
I live in.

Dark and dismal,
I cannot fathom
how to endure
another day,
pretending to be
yet hiding the truth  
from everyone.

I am so pleased to have
another day, free from
the slavery of
this disease which
inhabits my mind.
Giving thanks to God,
I go my way rejoicing!

I cannot climb out
of this pit
I have fallen into,
All my efforts are
in vain.
Aware of my surroundings,
I am unable to change
the color of
the sun.

I’ve seen myself
on the other side
of darkness’ curtain;
it is not a sight I wish
on anyone.
Yet today I only see
I only feel

Pointless, nothing is worth
the effort it takes.
I yearn for things to be
But alas, it is not to be.
I only hope
doesn’t last.

I will not worry
about tomorrow,
for today has too much
to offer.

I have nothing
to offer this day.
I wonder if there will be
a tomorrow?

I know it is not
my fault,
so I go on,
praying that
I will never fall

Is it me? Did I do
something wrong?
I feel worthless,
a failure.
I will stop writing,
for nobody

I am not ashamed
of my troubles,
I will continue
to write
to dream
to live.


  1. I'm glad you ended with hope, and I'm glad you shared this. It's a brave step, and I genuinely hope that you find nothing but care and acceptance and understanding. Certainly nothing else will come from me.

    I know a little of these feelings, having suffered with depression, but it's a slower cycle. Just as nasty, in it's way.

    BRAVO for getting it out there and using this prompt to raise awareness.

  2. Oh, how I relate!
    I have never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I know that my particular brand of depression is very close, I think sometimes maybe I'm just missing the diagnosis!
    I too alternate between feeling elated and full of energy one day to feeling down in the dumps the next. And when I am full of energy, I tend to overdo. I'm thinking now it has to do with the fact I know that, once I stop, there is no knowing when I'll pick it up next time.

    I agree, it is important we spread the word to stop stigma against mental illness.
    Thank you for taking this brave step.
    All the best to you.

    (and please don't stop writing!)

  3. Rod, thank you for sharing. ~hugs~ It takes a lot to admit such a thing. You are loved by many, including this dragon poet in central New York state. Writing is therapeutic. Writing heals.