Epic Sigh or, This is how I feel about me

Here is my latest poem that I am willing to share. I wrote this after a session with my psychologist. No, she doesn't make me feel this way but she sure does make me think. And that is a good thing. Mostly. Please enjoy the poem.

Rod E Kok
January 28, 2019

I lack truth.

Seriously, I do not have

a clue.

Am I supposed to have

all my sh*t together?

Because I don't.

I don't even have sh*t,

never mind having it

together.

Insert an epic sigh

right here.

That is me,

evaluating.

Ruminating.

I do not like

the returns on this path.

I have been told

(yesterday even!)

that I am too hard

on myself.

Yeah, character flaw

and all those other

evaluative (judgmental)

adjectives.

I get it.

But seriously.

Am I really supposed to have

all my sh*t together?

Because I don't.

And probably never will.

That Feeling

Happy new year, dear reader! May your 2019 be filled with happiness and poetry! Lately, my mind has been delving into darker themes (again). No, my depression is not driving my words but rather I am writing with eyes wide open. Maybe dark is the wrong word...let's use 'different'. I am trying to explore different ways to express. The poem I wrote today is borne from nothing personal (this time). But rather it is the offspring of thoughts that just sort of came together in a short period of time. This is the start of my exploration into 'different'. Please enjoy.

Rod E Kok
January 7, 2019

Do you know the feeling of angst,

sitting in the pit

of your stomach?

Maybe angst is the wrong word…

call it whatever you want.

But it is a feeling.

Like something is eating you

from inside out.

Yeah, that sensation.

I have it every time

my thoughts stray.