Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Alright

Hello dear reader.
'Alright' is a poem I wrote last night while lying in bed. I was reflecting on my day, on the counselling session I had in the afternoon. And with that reflection came these words. I hope you enjoy it.

Rod E. Kok
February 1, 2017

I am going to be alright,
but I do not know when.
I will heal from the hurt
I have caused myself.

My fingers are open wounds,
nails tear at my skin
in a false act of penance.
I will recover from the pain;
I am going to be
alright.

I have vilified myself;
Judge, jury,
torturer.
Where do I go from here?
I want to be okay.

I am going to be okay.
I will reduce
my self imposed sentence.
I will learn to acquit,
accepting a sentence
of forgiveness.

Though my weakness
will remain,
I will be alright.

I want to fight.
For me.
For you.
I want to be free
from those shackles
I bound myself with.

My heart will be stronger,
my soul more content.
I am going to be alright.
I am going to be
alright.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

To Be Myself

Good evening dear reader

Once again, I am sharing a poem that is very much me. Although I am very uncomfortable sharing this much, I believe it is good for my mental health. Speaking about my struggles can be difficult, and I don't always know what to say. For me, poetry is a release. Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment...I would love to hear from you.

Rod E. Kok
January 14, 2017

I should not continue
down this lonely path
of self destruction.

But I do not know
how to stop.

I need to learn forgiveness,
as you have forgiven me.
Yet my conscience works tirelessly
to keep the accusations coming.

Still bound up
in chains of guilt,
I struggle to find that link
which was broken
to set me free.

I should not continue
to deny myself of mercy.
But I do not know
anything different.

I should not continue
to be myself.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Barefoot and Cold

Good morning dear reader,

Once again this morning, I share with you a very personal moment. This poem reveals, yet hides. I am on a journey of great import, my struggles are real. Most times I feel I am walking alone, barefoot and cold. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok
January 11, 2017

Over a bridge I traveled;
nobody carried me, I walked alone.
Barefoot and cold.
Spending time
on the side of bad choices,
no one offered me shelter.

I trudged along, sinking deeper
into consequence.
My path went awry;
too many forks
on the path I followed.
I walked alone.

I turned back,
hoping to find
that bridge I had crossed,
barefoot and cold.

Time passed,
determination waned.
I almost gave up.

But I found my bridge,
only to see the route closed off.
Rock upon rock barricades my way,
preventing my return
to the side of forgiveness.
Each rock a confession,
every admission provides
a way through.

Moving those rocks
fills me with fear.
I am going to cross this bridge,
hoping I don’t arrive
barefoot and cold.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Questioning

Good afternoon dear reader,

Today's poem is deeply personal. It was written during my lunch break today, and reflects my true feelings about my upcoming counselling session. Welcome to this part of my brain...it isn't a very nice place to be. 

Rod E. Kok
January 10, 2017

Today is another day
when I put myself
into a position of
vulnerability.

Today is another day
when someone is allowed
on my side
of the wall.

I hate these days,
mostly because
they are so damn necessary;
I need these days
to help me heal
my broken mind.

What has all this confession done,
other than make me withdraw
even more?
I seem unable
to forgive myself.

Confession and forgiveness,
the theme of my sessions.
But what is the point?
I have confessed to someone
I pay to listen,
my soul has been bared
to someone who has
no vested interest.

I could never confess to you
the very things I have unloaded
on her, my counsellor.
I could never divulge my sin
to those I would hurt.

Again I ask, what is the point?
It seems best to hide
behind my wall,
striving to forget
I ever existed.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Hoarfrost


Good morning dear reader
Here is today's offering. The prompt over at Dverse is to write a Choka. The Choka or Long Poem is believed to be the most intricate of Japanese poetry and was used to tell a story; many were epic with over 100 lines. This form was popular between the 1st and 13th centuries, the earliest example was discovered in the 1st century and described a battle. It was 149 lines long. The Choka had a tradition of being recited in a high-pitched voice.
This form is based on a series of Katauta joined together. The Katauta is considered the basic unit of Japanese poetry using either the 17 (5-7-5) unit onji or the 19 (5-7-7) unit onji. In Western terms an onji is what we call a syllable. Many of us are familiar with these particular onji as we have used them in writing haiku, tanka and sedoka. The Choka is an unrhymed poem alternating five and seven syllables that ends with an extra seven syllable line.
I hope you enjoy this poem.

Rod E. Kok
January 7, 2017


Cold winter morning
nature stays quietly still
hoarfrost sits on trees
Deathly quiet shrouds our world
wintry paradise
man and beast slumber in peace
Eastern sun ascends
western darkness disappears
soft light emerges
Morning birds find their voices
mankind breaks his fast
creatures arise searching food
Frigid day passes
time moves slowly in this chill
dusky haze moves in
Clear dark sky predicting cold
no cloudy blanket
man and beast prepare to sleep
The land rests silent
winter’s bleak night becomes real
hoarfrost quietly settles.