Tinnitus

 Well dear reader, using the word prompts from Day 14, I expose a little bit more about me that you may not know. As you can judge by the title, this poem is about a hearing condition called Tinnitus. I have suffered from it for years, but thankfully I have hearing aids that provide constant relief. Please enjoy the piece from Day 14.

Rod E. Kok

Internal silence
is rare;
a high pitched
squeal
is constant.

If it was not for
white noise
streaming into
my ears,
I would have gone
crazy
long ago.

Family of Faith

 Good morning dear reader. I won't get done 31 poems in 31 days. I am simply too far behind. Why? Because my motivation to write is severely lacking. And laziness. I have not put in the effort required to keep up. But, I will write 31 poems. It will just take me a few extra days. And that brings us to the word prompts from Day 13. This poem came out very raw, and exposes me in a light that some may not see. I have no doubts that those who know me will quite possibly look at me differently if they read this. And that is ok. My wall will keep me safe.

Rod E. Kok

A lifelong struggle
to embrace
what I was raised
to believe.

I do not deny
those lessons,
yet I find it
difficult
to believe
that I am
included
in the family
of faith.

Take Another Look

 Well dear reader, the words are coming fast and furious tonight. This will be my third poem of the night, and I'm almost caught up for OctPoWriMo. This is day 12's piece and is probably the most relevant poem for me. Anyone who has followed this blog over the last few years know what I've endured. And as it turns out, those who judged me really aren't that different from me. I just hope they take another look.

Rod E. Kok

Take another look
into my open eyes.
Can you see clearly
the twisted illusions
that swirl behind
my iris?

Take another look.
Go ahead.
Open your own eyes
and see your reflection
in mine.

Can you see it?
We really are
not that different
after all.

Where I was

 Hello dear reader

I'm really not paying any attention to anything except the words we are given as prompts. My words are borne from those words, regardless of what direction we are prompted to go. I think I mentioned it earlier; I am very happy going my own direction. Today's poem gives us a contrast in perspective. This was and is my effort for Day 11 of OctPoWriMo. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

Bright lights,
warm vibes;
boundless energy
spins around
this room.

Darkness;
cold fingers
grip my heart.
I cannot move
back
to where I was.

Never Give Up

Dear reader, the motivation to write has been lacking. Even the prompts are not inspiring me or my words. So if the next few poems seem forced, they probably are. And I apologize for that. But I will not give up on finishing OctPoWriMo 2022. It just may take me a little longer.

Rod E. Kok

There is no sadness

amidst the hope

of change.

Turning that corner

to a new

normal,

I promise now

to never

give up.

 

Fear

 Well dear reader, for Day 9's prompt I have decided to return to one of my all time favorite poetry forms. The Haiku. This one came to me very quickly. I'm quite pleased with it. The hardest part of writing this poem was titling it. Even as I write this intro, I do not have a title chosen yet. I'm sure it will come to me. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

becoming afraid
she breathes life into my soul
silencing my fear

Wonderfully Strange

 Hello dear reader. I have fallen behind in my writing, but I promise I will make it up. For better or worse. I am finding that throughout this journey so far, I am using the word prompts, but not necessarily the 'vision' prompt. Nor am I using the form prompt. I think this is a good thing for me, for it allows me to really write out of my head and my heart. I hope you are enjoying this ride. Here is my poem for Day 8 of OctPoWriMo2022.

Rod E. Kok

In the quiet comfort
of darkness,
how wonderfully strange
it is
that my mind
goes
to unexpected places.

How wonderfully strange
that I did not
go mad
with confusion
or doubt.

In the quiet chaos,
I survived something
that was
wonderfully strange.

Glass Floor

Hello dear reader. Today we have been challenged to write something about conquering our fears. Well, I immediately went back to the time I tried to stand on the glass floor at the top of the Calgary tower, and in more recent memory, the same activity in the CN Tower in Toronto. Neither was an event that I wish to repeat. I think you'll get that message through today's poem. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

Glass floors
reflect a world
far beneath

my feet.

I am determined

to trust,

to conquer 

my fear.

I will tread,

albeit lightly

and with great

trepidation,

upon that floor.

Heartbeat increases;

cold sweat

breaks out.

One foot hovers

above what seems to be

certain doom.

I pull back,

willing my mind

and body

to fear not.

Trust.

Fear.

Deep breath.

A glass floor

bears my weight;

my body floats

above the ground

so far below.

A single tear

falls from 

my eye.

This once

I have conquered;

I never have to stand

on a glass floor

again.

My World

Hello dear reader. We are 6 days into OctPoWriMo and I'm still writing. After so much time away from poetry, this is a major accomplishment. Today's theme is about guilt, and ridding oneself from it. I didn't quite go there, but I did use some of the word prompts. My words today do not reflect how I feel today. Rather, they reflect a generalization of my feelings. Some days are better than others. Today is a good day. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

I live
in this world
surrounded
by my own sin,
these failures
and faults.

I live
in this world
weighed down
by guilt.
I feel
unforgivable.

I live
in this world
unable to see
past
my wall.

I have surrendered
to my reality;
I cannot
let it go.
My weakness
will not
allow it.

I live
in this world.
I live.
And that is
my world.

Not Enough

 Day 5, dear reader, brings us a prompt that I took 180 degrees from what the word suggestions suggested. At least, I think I did a u-turn on this one. It is the kind of poem I usually wrote in the past, so it flowed quite easily once I put my mind to writing it. Anyone who has read my works in the past will see that this is truly me. And it is probably not enough.

Rod E. Kok

Who am I
if I am not enough?

Who would I be
if I did not doubt
myself?

I would be
better
than I think

and I think
I am
not enough

Spring Park Bench redux

 Good morning dear reader

Jenni wanted us to to explore a past collaboration we may have participated in, and that led me directly to 2014. A project I worked on saw me paired with a British artist named Heather Burns. We came up with a piece called Spring Park Bench. I wrote, she drew. We inspired each other, and after many iterations of the piece, we came up with what I would consider a masterpiece. I will post the original Spring Park Bench to provide context, followed by my poem for today. I hope you enjoy.

Rod E Kok

What seems a lifetime,

time has passed

since I sat

on that park bench

in the spring.

What seems just yesterday

since we spoke;

words and art

entwined together

forever.

Heather and drab,

you and I;

passion for our

art

ignited a wellspring

of emotion,

of color.

What seems a lifetime

since we sat

on that

park bench 

in the spring.

shadows

 Hello dear reader

Day 3's words came late to me, but at least they arrived. Morgan gave us prompt dealing with shadows in our lives. What has us spinning and spiraling? I love writing about shadows, and mental health. I think that is reflected in today's effort. Today also marks my first piece that isn't free form. I wrote a Haiku today. And for me, it just works. I'm super happy with this work. I hope you enjoy it.

Rod E. Kok

abandoned shadows
left behind in a dark world
here they come again

silence

Day 2 of OctPoWriMo brings us a prompt from Bianca. She spoke of a storm she sat through, and encouraged us to write a sonnet or an ode about storms we have been in. I chose to write free style, as I'm not quite ready to tackle a different form. That will come. But for now, I give you silence. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

 It is that noise,

low 

rumbling…

that noise 

which is fading

deep into

my mind.

(a momentary reprieve

from

raging storms)

silence

then it starts again;

rolling around

my brain.

fading

relinquishing it’s hold

on emotion.

Now all around me

is 

silence

i am who i am

Hello dear reader. It is time. It is time to embrace my love of poetry once again. It has been a long time since I have participated in one of the Poetry Writing Months. Inspired by conversations with a couple of teachers at work, I decided that for better or worse, I would write this year. And I am truly excited by it, yet I approach it with some trepidation. I am not confident that my words are able to meet my own standards (which happen to be the only standards that matter when it comes to my writing). But I am doing it. I am writing 31 poems in 31 days. 

Our first prompt, given by Morgan Dragonwillow, is about shining our light. Admittedly, this is probably not my best. But it is only day one. And i am who i am. I write what I write. Please enjoy (or not). Either way, OctPoWriMo is underway in a positive way.

Rod E. Kok

October 1, 2022

i am who i am
faults and all;
nowhere near perfection,
not even close.
Mistakes glaringly obvious,
oft repeated.
Hard lessons have not
been learned.

i am who i am
warts and all.
Many decades of experience;
years upon years of failures.
Missteps followed by deficiency
of effort.

i am who i am
growing slowly
or not at all.
Faith is dying;
I feel I am not
trying.

Yet…

i am who i am
working hard to
be kind.
Do unto others
and all that
stuff.

i am who i am;
I choose to look
forward.
I choose to be
influentially positive.
I choose
to shine
my light.

My Own Advice

 Dear reader.

Remember me? Yeah, I'm the guy who used to semi-regularly post his sad attempt at poetry on this site. And true to the history of posts here, I will once again post another sad attempt. It's been almost 2 years since I've published a poem. It's good to finally write something I'm happy with.

Today's prompt comes from dVerse Poets Pub. The words I chose to use are bellow, tempestuous, dulcet, seethe and beseech. Please enjoy.

RK

There is no everlasting remedy

to the dulcet tones

of melancholy;

nor is there redress

to the bellowing

of silence.

All I know 

is a seething mind

in turmoil;

a tempestuous argument

between myself

and I.

We beseech one another

to forgive.

But I never heed

my own advice.

Needing Life

As I go through my WIP folder, I discover poems that were completed long ago. These poems, if deemed ok in my opinion, will be posted here. For the ones I deem not acceptable, they will never see the light of day. As always, I hope you enjoy my poetry. If you do, please subscribe to get the latest updates. If you don't, so be it. 

Rod Kok
May 8, 2019

It used to be easy

to believe, to trust,

to dance with sunbeams

as they radiated enthusiasm

through the window

to my soul.

But somewhere

on this forked road,

light stopped penetrating,

casting shadows which bled

into darkness.

I am overcome

by a mist, a cold embrace

drawing me down

to its passionless depths.

I am cold and shivering.

I feel naked and alone.

I am scared.

I need your heat,

your love, your caress.

I need life.

Escape

I wrote this a few years ago, and let it in my WIP folder. The message today is every bit as real as it was then. Nothing has changed.

Rod Kok
May 6, 2019

A battle is raging,

a war is being fought.

Two foes fight

over one weary soul.

An epic contest

between Right

and Wrong,

my head is in conflict

with my heart.

Desire wields

a sword,

honed on a whetstone

of Passion.

Wisdom parries

what surely could be

a mortal strike,

while Reason’s voice

is faintly heard.

A blow is struck,

not by arrow

or blade,

but by Words,

penetrating through

the vigilance of my Heart.

Circumspection leads

a counter-attack,

prevailing to gain an edge

for Right.

Conscience interferes,

creating diversions

wherever a foothold

can be found.

A battle is raging;

my head and my heart

each claim victory.

But Conquest has not arrived,

so this fight goes on.

Deep in my soul,

Lust is wrestling Purity.

Damnation pulls Salvation

to the precipice,

only to be denied

by Sacrifice.

I am weary;

I grow tired of

this confrontation.

I grow weary;

I pray for peace.

I pray

for escape.

Epic Sigh or, This is how I feel about me

Here is my latest poem that I am willing to share. I wrote this after a session with my psychologist. No, she doesn't make me feel this way but she sure does make me think. And that is a good thing. Mostly. Please enjoy the poem.

Rod E Kok
January 28, 2019

I lack truth.

Seriously, I do not have

a clue.

Am I supposed to have

all my sh*t together?

Because I don't.

I don't even have sh*t,

never mind having it

together.

Insert an epic sigh

right here.

That is me,

evaluating.

Ruminating.

I do not like

the returns on this path.

I have been told

(yesterday even!)

that I am too hard

on myself.

Yeah, character flaw

and all those other

evaluative (judgmental)

adjectives.

I get it.

But seriously.

Am I really supposed to have

all my sh*t together?

Because I don't.

And probably never will.

That Feeling

Happy new year, dear reader! May your 2019 be filled with happiness and poetry! Lately, my mind has been delving into darker themes (again). No, my depression is not driving my words but rather I am writing with eyes wide open. Maybe dark is the wrong word...let's use 'different'. I am trying to explore different ways to express. The poem I wrote today is borne from nothing personal (this time). But rather it is the offspring of thoughts that just sort of came together in a short period of time. This is the start of my exploration into 'different'. Please enjoy.

Rod E Kok
January 7, 2019

Do you know the feeling of angst,

sitting in the pit

of your stomach?

Maybe angst is the wrong word…

call it whatever you want.

But it is a feeling.

Like something is eating you

from inside out.

Yeah, that sensation.

I have it every time

my thoughts stray.

The Ax

Good afternoon dear reader

It was time to write. So many words live in my heart and my head, but none of them have made it into a poem. It was time to change that. I could tell as I wrote this that I am desperately out of practice, but it felt good to finally get some words down. Please enjoy.

RK
Feb. 21 / 2018

An axe was put to a tree;

a sharpened tool cut,

causing pain.

Causing pain.

Blow by blow, that tree shuddered;

what once was solid and strong

became fragile.

The tree no longer had confidence

in being able to stand

straight and tall.

Too much damage

had been done.

I wish my hand

had never gripped

that axe of destruction.

I long for the tree

to be whole again.

I weep for what I have wrought;

my tears are not enough

to replenish the strength

of that beautiful tree

I caused to suffer.