Tinnitus

 Well dear reader, using the word prompts from Day 14, I expose a little bit more about me that you may not know. As you can judge by the title, this poem is about a hearing condition called Tinnitus. I have suffered from it for years, but thankfully I have hearing aids that provide constant relief. Please enjoy the piece from Day 14.

Rod E. Kok

Internal silence
is rare;
a high pitched
squeal
is constant.

If it was not for
white noise
streaming into
my ears,
I would have gone
crazy
long ago.

Family of Faith

 Good morning dear reader. I won't get done 31 poems in 31 days. I am simply too far behind. Why? Because my motivation to write is severely lacking. And laziness. I have not put in the effort required to keep up. But, I will write 31 poems. It will just take me a few extra days. And that brings us to the word prompts from Day 13. This poem came out very raw, and exposes me in a light that some may not see. I have no doubts that those who know me will quite possibly look at me differently if they read this. And that is ok. My wall will keep me safe.

Rod E. Kok

A lifelong struggle
to embrace
what I was raised
to believe.

I do not deny
those lessons,
yet I find it
difficult
to believe
that I am
included
in the family
of faith.

Take Another Look

 Well dear reader, the words are coming fast and furious tonight. This will be my third poem of the night, and I'm almost caught up for OctPoWriMo. This is day 12's piece and is probably the most relevant poem for me. Anyone who has followed this blog over the last few years know what I've endured. And as it turns out, those who judged me really aren't that different from me. I just hope they take another look.

Rod E. Kok

Take another look
into my open eyes.
Can you see clearly
the twisted illusions
that swirl behind
my iris?

Take another look.
Go ahead.
Open your own eyes
and see your reflection
in mine.

Can you see it?
We really are
not that different
after all.

Where I was

 Hello dear reader

I'm really not paying any attention to anything except the words we are given as prompts. My words are borne from those words, regardless of what direction we are prompted to go. I think I mentioned it earlier; I am very happy going my own direction. Today's poem gives us a contrast in perspective. This was and is my effort for Day 11 of OctPoWriMo. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

Bright lights,
warm vibes;
boundless energy
spins around
this room.

Darkness;
cold fingers
grip my heart.
I cannot move
back
to where I was.

Never Give Up

Dear reader, the motivation to write has been lacking. Even the prompts are not inspiring me or my words. So if the next few poems seem forced, they probably are. And I apologize for that. But I will not give up on finishing OctPoWriMo 2022. It just may take me a little longer.

Rod E. Kok

There is no sadness

amidst the hope

of change.

Turning that corner

to a new

normal,

I promise now

to never

give up.

 

Fear

 Well dear reader, for Day 9's prompt I have decided to return to one of my all time favorite poetry forms. The Haiku. This one came to me very quickly. I'm quite pleased with it. The hardest part of writing this poem was titling it. Even as I write this intro, I do not have a title chosen yet. I'm sure it will come to me. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

becoming afraid
she breathes life into my soul
silencing my fear

Wonderfully Strange

 Hello dear reader. I have fallen behind in my writing, but I promise I will make it up. For better or worse. I am finding that throughout this journey so far, I am using the word prompts, but not necessarily the 'vision' prompt. Nor am I using the form prompt. I think this is a good thing for me, for it allows me to really write out of my head and my heart. I hope you are enjoying this ride. Here is my poem for Day 8 of OctPoWriMo2022.

Rod E. Kok

In the quiet comfort
of darkness,
how wonderfully strange
it is
that my mind
goes
to unexpected places.

How wonderfully strange
that I did not
go mad
with confusion
or doubt.

In the quiet chaos,
I survived something
that was
wonderfully strange.

Glass Floor

Hello dear reader. Today we have been challenged to write something about conquering our fears. Well, I immediately went back to the time I tried to stand on the glass floor at the top of the Calgary tower, and in more recent memory, the same activity in the CN Tower in Toronto. Neither was an event that I wish to repeat. I think you'll get that message through today's poem. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

Glass floors
reflect a world
far beneath

my feet.

I am determined

to trust,

to conquer 

my fear.

I will tread,

albeit lightly

and with great

trepidation,

upon that floor.

Heartbeat increases;

cold sweat

breaks out.

One foot hovers

above what seems to be

certain doom.

I pull back,

willing my mind

and body

to fear not.

Trust.

Fear.

Deep breath.

A glass floor

bears my weight;

my body floats

above the ground

so far below.

A single tear

falls from 

my eye.

This once

I have conquered;

I never have to stand

on a glass floor

again.

My World

Hello dear reader. We are 6 days into OctPoWriMo and I'm still writing. After so much time away from poetry, this is a major accomplishment. Today's theme is about guilt, and ridding oneself from it. I didn't quite go there, but I did use some of the word prompts. My words today do not reflect how I feel today. Rather, they reflect a generalization of my feelings. Some days are better than others. Today is a good day. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

I live
in this world
surrounded
by my own sin,
these failures
and faults.

I live
in this world
weighed down
by guilt.
I feel
unforgivable.

I live
in this world
unable to see
past
my wall.

I have surrendered
to my reality;
I cannot
let it go.
My weakness
will not
allow it.

I live
in this world.
I live.
And that is
my world.

Not Enough

 Day 5, dear reader, brings us a prompt that I took 180 degrees from what the word suggestions suggested. At least, I think I did a u-turn on this one. It is the kind of poem I usually wrote in the past, so it flowed quite easily once I put my mind to writing it. Anyone who has read my works in the past will see that this is truly me. And it is probably not enough.

Rod E. Kok

Who am I
if I am not enough?

Who would I be
if I did not doubt
myself?

I would be
better
than I think

and I think
I am
not enough

Spring Park Bench redux

 Good morning dear reader

Jenni wanted us to to explore a past collaboration we may have participated in, and that led me directly to 2014. A project I worked on saw me paired with a British artist named Heather Burns. We came up with a piece called Spring Park Bench. I wrote, she drew. We inspired each other, and after many iterations of the piece, we came up with what I would consider a masterpiece. I will post the original Spring Park Bench to provide context, followed by my poem for today. I hope you enjoy.

Rod E Kok

What seems a lifetime,

time has passed

since I sat

on that park bench

in the spring.

What seems just yesterday

since we spoke;

words and art

entwined together

forever.

Heather and drab,

you and I;

passion for our

art

ignited a wellspring

of emotion,

of color.

What seems a lifetime

since we sat

on that

park bench 

in the spring.

shadows

 Hello dear reader

Day 3's words came late to me, but at least they arrived. Morgan gave us prompt dealing with shadows in our lives. What has us spinning and spiraling? I love writing about shadows, and mental health. I think that is reflected in today's effort. Today also marks my first piece that isn't free form. I wrote a Haiku today. And for me, it just works. I'm super happy with this work. I hope you enjoy it.

Rod E. Kok

abandoned shadows
left behind in a dark world
here they come again

silence

Day 2 of OctPoWriMo brings us a prompt from Bianca. She spoke of a storm she sat through, and encouraged us to write a sonnet or an ode about storms we have been in. I chose to write free style, as I'm not quite ready to tackle a different form. That will come. But for now, I give you silence. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

 It is that noise,

low 

rumbling…

that noise 

which is fading

deep into

my mind.

(a momentary reprieve

from

raging storms)

silence

then it starts again;

rolling around

my brain.

fading

relinquishing it’s hold

on emotion.

Now all around me

is 

silence

i am who i am

Hello dear reader. It is time. It is time to embrace my love of poetry once again. It has been a long time since I have participated in one of the Poetry Writing Months. Inspired by conversations with a couple of teachers at work, I decided that for better or worse, I would write this year. And I am truly excited by it, yet I approach it with some trepidation. I am not confident that my words are able to meet my own standards (which happen to be the only standards that matter when it comes to my writing). But I am doing it. I am writing 31 poems in 31 days. 

Our first prompt, given by Morgan Dragonwillow, is about shining our light. Admittedly, this is probably not my best. But it is only day one. And i am who i am. I write what I write. Please enjoy (or not). Either way, OctPoWriMo is underway in a positive way.

Rod E. Kok

October 1, 2022

i am who i am
faults and all;
nowhere near perfection,
not even close.
Mistakes glaringly obvious,
oft repeated.
Hard lessons have not
been learned.

i am who i am
warts and all.
Many decades of experience;
years upon years of failures.
Missteps followed by deficiency
of effort.

i am who i am
growing slowly
or not at all.
Faith is dying;
I feel I am not
trying.

Yet…

i am who i am
working hard to
be kind.
Do unto others
and all that
stuff.

i am who i am;
I choose to look
forward.
I choose to be
influentially positive.
I choose
to shine
my light.

It is Finished

Dear reader, it is a bittersweet day. Today marks the end of #OctPoWriMo.  I can honestly say that I am a bit sad about this. Every day for the past 31 days, I have written a poem based on a prompt from one of our wonderful organizers. Every day I have pushed myself. Somedays it came easy, some days I struggled mightily. But, I did it. And I am proud of it. I probably wrote close to 40 poems in the past 31 days. Knowing what I have done serves as motivation for what I need to do...I need to write. It's in my blood.

Thank you to the organizers and prompters for taking us on this fantastic journey of poetry. Julie, Morgan, Amy and Tamara...thank you. If I missed one someone, I apologize and offer you a special thank you as well.

Thank you to all the poets who contributed their poetry. Reading your work gave me so much inspiration. I have made new friends, and for that I am grateful. Also thank you to all those who read my work. I am humbled that little ol' me could write something that so many enjoyed. I hope our journey together doesn't end here.

And that, dear reader, brings us to my final poem of #OctPoWriMo2014. As the tears fall from my eyes, and as my heart beats a little bit faster, let me say that it is finished.

Rod E. Kok
October 31, 2014

It is finished.

A journey of sharing

is over.

I do not know how

to deal with this.

From the excitement of early morn,

being prompted to write,

to the wonderment of late evening,

seeing how many actually read

my work.

It is finished.

A truly heady experience,

emotions ran rampant

for 31 days.

I gave you my heart

on a readable platter,

my soul was visible

to all who cared to see it.

It is finished.

Never have I written

so much poetry,

rarely have I had

such a feeling of

accomplishment.

I am a blessed man

to have met

so many

great poets,

great writers

better people.

It is finished.

Time to breathe,

time to relax.

For in the big scheme of things,

it has just begun.

The Day Before

Hello dear reader. Today I stepped way outside my comfort zone. Way outside. I chose to take today's prompt and write a Terza Rima. This form is a poem with an eleven syllable count in each line and a rhyming scheme of aba, bcb, cdc, dd. Talk about a huge challenge! My fingers were kept busy as I counted, and my mind was going nuts trying to make sure everything followed the rhyming scheme.

And so, here is my poem, based on the theme 'On the day before...'. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Rod E. Kok

October 30, 2014

The day before you agreed to marry me

we were confident that our life would be grand

how little we knew about what was to be

The day before our world crashed we had not planned

for things to go wrong with our new baby bump

but we felt grace delivered through our Lord’s hand.

The day before your doctor confirmed the lump

we still saw our future as sunny and bright

nothing has changed, we’ve made it over this hump

Through 20 years, we have never lost our sight

we are not alone, and all things turn out right.

Passing Years

Good morning, dear reader. The prompt for day 29 of #OctPoWriMo is love and relationships. We were given a pretty broad field to play in, and I chose the one that comes naturally to me. My poem today is for my dear wife, my best friend. The line in this poem that is my favorite is 'If not for you, there is no me'.  What is your favorite? 

Rod E. Kok
October 29, 2014

The years are passing by.

Without fail, we watch

a timeless passage into

tomorrow.

Daily I pray for

our love to remain

strong.

Without fail, we make

mistakes, causing hurt

grief

sorrow.

We forgive.

We forget.

Time moves on,

and we grow

together.

Passion does not fade,

our own brand of romance

keeps our hearts warm.

Without fail, I realize

the truth.

If not for you,

there is no me.

All that I am

is for you,

because of you.

The years are passing by,

and we are watching

their passage.

Hand in hand,

in love.

Together forever.

Two Sides

Day 28, dear reader. Day 28. I never would have thought to make it this far into #OctPoWriMo, but I have surprised even myself. And what is more surprising is that I am enjoying the art of 'thinking outside the box'. I have tried a couple different forms, and tried a couple different approaches. It has been enlightening, and a growing experience.

So, what does today bring us? I have written a double etheree. An etheree is a 10 line poem that consists of 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 syllables. A double etheree is the same, except the order of lines/syllables is reversed in the second verse. 

Today's poem shows two sides of me, both of which very much are real. At times during #OctPoWriMo, I have felt both sides. Thanks to those who have encouraged me *cough Jessica Scott cough* to keep going. The theme we were given to work with was 'hunger' + a secondary 'feeling' word. I chose to use hunger not as relating to food, but rather in relation to my writing and my craft. I hope you enjoy today's offering.

Rod E. Kok
October 28, 2014

doubt

questions

doubt myself

no confidence

my own worst critic

motivation is gone

I hunger to find it back

I long to feel good about me,

feel good about the words I’ve written

but I don’t think I can do this much more

overflowing with confidence, I write

ambition rises like a phoenix

fires of yearning burn aloft

passion for writing to you

joy of sharing my soul

hunger to write more

words are my life

I will write

words of

love

Alone

Hello once again, dear reader. The prompt for day 27 of #OctPoWriMo is sleep. We were given some key words to work with. I was curious as to where this prompt would take me, and the result is quite unexpected. I decided that I did not want to write in my normal form, which is free-verse. I have stepped outside my comfort zone a couple times this month, and have enjoyed every minute of it. Discovering new ways of exercising my brain and honing my craft is exciting and refreshing. I did write an acrostic poem and have a nonet as a WIP, but neither of these will get published for now. 

Today, I went with a cinquain. You can read about this particular form here.  In short, it is a 22 syllable poem, non-rhyming, with the syllables per line being 2, 4, 6, 8, 2.  I don't know if I strictly adhered to all the rules, but there are different schools of thought about the cinquain, different ways to do it. I did stay with the syllable count, as that seems to be the most important. I hope you enjoy this poem. It is very much in line with what I posted on day 26. The prompt naturally led me here. 

Rod E. Kok
October 27, 2014

asleep

immersed in dreams

subconscious thoughts of you

warm and safe in our bed, alone

come home

Alone in the Dark

Dear reader, day 26 of #OctPoWriMo has us confronting our fears, writing about what scares us. There are many things I fear. I fear rejection by my peers, by the poetic community, by friends. I fear things that I simply will not share with anyone but my wife, I fear stubbing my toes (a curse of big feet). I have serious fears, debilitating fears and silly fears. And it is the silly fear that I am writing about today. 

Once in a while, my wife and kids will go to spend a few days with her parents, and I am left alone at home. I hate it. I hate every moment of an empty house. I especially hate the nights. Will you laugh at this piece, or rather, laugh at me for this piece? Possibly. I don't fear that, for I am writing this in the light. And my wife and kids are by my side. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok
October 26, 2014

You have left me alone,

surrounded by darkness,

my heart starts pounding,

my breath quickens,

palms slick with sweat.

I am cold...so cold.

A hair falls from my head,

hitting the floor,

a booming thud.

My old grandfathers clock

calls out time,

midnight has struck

a fearful chord deep

in my soul.

In my bed

there is no warm place

for me to hide…

you are away

(only for a short time).

Please come home,

so I can sleep.

Mysterious footsteps echo

down empty hallways

of our deserted home.

I am alone…

alone with whoever

(or whatever)

lurks in the shadows.

Unreasonable fear

pervades my being,

I wait for dawn.

Waiting for light,

my mind plays tricks.

I cannot sleep,

mysterious sounds whisper

thunderclaps in my room.

Please come home,

so I can sleep.

Please….

come home.