shadows

 Hello dear reader

Day 3's words came late to me, but at least they arrived. Morgan gave us prompt dealing with shadows in our lives. What has us spinning and spiraling? I love writing about shadows, and mental health. I think that is reflected in today's effort. Today also marks my first piece that isn't free form. I wrote a Haiku today. And for me, it just works. I'm super happy with this work. I hope you enjoy it.

Rod E. Kok

abandoned shadows
left behind in a dark world
here they come again

silence

Day 2 of OctPoWriMo brings us a prompt from Bianca. She spoke of a storm she sat through, and encouraged us to write a sonnet or an ode about storms we have been in. I chose to write free style, as I'm not quite ready to tackle a different form. That will come. But for now, I give you silence. Please enjoy.

Rod E. Kok

 It is that noise,

low 

rumbling…

that noise 

which is fading

deep into

my mind.

(a momentary reprieve

from

raging storms)

silence

then it starts again;

rolling around

my brain.

fading

relinquishing it’s hold

on emotion.

Now all around me

is 

silence

i am who i am

Hello dear reader. It is time. It is time to embrace my love of poetry once again. It has been a long time since I have participated in one of the Poetry Writing Months. Inspired by conversations with a couple of teachers at work, I decided that for better or worse, I would write this year. And I am truly excited by it, yet I approach it with some trepidation. I am not confident that my words are able to meet my own standards (which happen to be the only standards that matter when it comes to my writing). But I am doing it. I am writing 31 poems in 31 days. 

Our first prompt, given by Morgan Dragonwillow, is about shining our light. Admittedly, this is probably not my best. But it is only day one. And i am who i am. I write what I write. Please enjoy (or not). Either way, OctPoWriMo is underway in a positive way.

Rod E. Kok

October 1, 2022

i am who i am
faults and all;
nowhere near perfection,
not even close.
Mistakes glaringly obvious,
oft repeated.
Hard lessons have not
been learned.

i am who i am
warts and all.
Many decades of experience;
years upon years of failures.
Missteps followed by deficiency
of effort.

i am who i am
growing slowly
or not at all.
Faith is dying;
I feel I am not
trying.

Yet…

i am who i am
working hard to
be kind.
Do unto others
and all that
stuff.

i am who i am;
I choose to look
forward.
I choose to be
influentially positive.
I choose
to shine
my light.

My Own Advice

 Dear reader.

Remember me? Yeah, I'm the guy who used to semi-regularly post his sad attempt at poetry on this site. And true to the history of posts here, I will once again post another sad attempt. It's been almost 2 years since I've published a poem. It's good to finally write something I'm happy with.

Today's prompt comes from dVerse Poets Pub. The words I chose to use are bellow, tempestuous, dulcet, seethe and beseech. Please enjoy.

RK

There is no everlasting remedy

to the dulcet tones

of melancholy;

nor is there redress

to the bellowing

of silence.

All I know 

is a seething mind

in turmoil;

a tempestuous argument

between myself

and I.

We beseech one another

to forgive.

But I never heed

my own advice.

Walking back...

Well dear reader, here I am again. It has been an incredibly emotional week. I have been all over the place mentally, which leads to a physical exhaustion. Thankfully I have had no sleepless nights. If you don't want to read the rest of this post, I will put a TL;DR at the end. If you're curious and want to know what I am going to write about, please read on.

I am an emotional person. I do a lot of things out of an emotional response. I am also a passionate person. I write a lot of things as a passionate response. Sometimes my emotions and passions spur me to do things without fully processing the whole picture. It is who I am. Always have been, always will be. I make no apologies.

This past week has caused me to really evaluate myself and the work I do in photography. I still stand by the work I have done and shared. I feel no reason to be ashamed. What I have realized is that quitting is not the answer. Giving up something that I am passionate about, something that I can be proud of, and something that does so much good for my mental health does not seem like a good option. So, do I want to make this all about me and what is good for me? While that is very important, it is not the only thing I have to consider.

I don't want to ask the same questions in this post as I did in my previous post. Nonetheless, the questions are still valid and I encourage to go read them if you haven't already. I have asked myself these questions all week. I have tried to see through a different lens. But my answers come back the same.  We have to live our lives within our own moral compass. Mine is based on my belief in God and in what I believe the Bible teaches. The Bible allows for Christians to have differing opinions from each other. We do not all have to have the exact same comfort zone. But is that all there is?

 One question I did not ask myself is this: Can I do anything that would protect my neighbor from what may be a stumbling block to them? The answer is no. I did not consider this.  In hindsight, I probably should not have made my pictures so readily available for viewing. We all have a choice as to what we click on, what we look at, watch, or read. There are things I won't click on, but you will. The opposite is just as true. Just as what may be a stumbling block to my neighbor might not be a stumbling block to me. Where do we go from here?

 I think the answer would be that while I can (and will) continue to work within my own moral compass, I will not put my work in such a place where my neighbor cannot help but see it. In other words, I will still shoot what I shoot, I will still put the pictures on my website, and I will still post some of them to my photography Instagram account. What I will not do is post my pictures on Facebook, or links to my pictures on Facebook.  People can choose to follow my photography account, they can choose to browse to my website. True, they can also choose to click the links I post, but ultimately that is their choice. What I am doing is making the choice to not see my work a little easier. By taking this route, the choice is out of my hands. No links, no advertising. Unless you choose to follow my photography account or choose to navigate to my website.

And so, my journey continues. I will continue to shoot pictures. I will continue to create concepts that intrigue me, and to find a model that will work with me in capturing these concepts in photographs. I will not guarantee that every concept or picture will fit within everyone's comfort zone. That would be impossible. I will shoot through my own lens. I will work harder at evaluating a shoot, but I will not apologize if it is not exactly what others think it should be. My conscience will continue to be my guide.

This week has been difficult. But when I came to the decision not to quit, and when I talked with my wife about it, a weight was lifted off my heart and my mind. Discussions will continue regarding this subject. It can be controversial, only because we all have differing opinions of right and wrong.  But I feel at peace. And I like this feeling a lot.

Rod