Sunday, February 2, 2020

Walking back...

Well dear reader, here I am again. It has been an incredibly emotional week. I have been all over the place mentally, which leads to a physical exhaustion. Thankfully I have had no sleepless nights. If you don't want to read the rest of this post, I will put a TL;DR at the end. If you're curious and want to know what I am going to write about, please read on.

I am an emotional person. I do a lot of things out of an emotional response. I am also a passionate person. I write a lot of things as a passionate response. Sometimes my emotions and passions spur me to do things without fully processing the whole picture. It is who I am. Always have been, always will be. I make no apologies.

This past week has caused me to really evaluate myself and the work I do in photography. I still stand by the work I have done and shared. I feel no reason to be ashamed. What I have realized is that quitting is not the answer. Giving up something that I am passionate about, something that I can be proud of, and something that does so much good for my mental health does not seem like a good option. So, do I want to make this all about me and what is good for me? While that is very important, it is not the only thing I have to consider.

I don't want to ask the same questions in this post as I did in my previous post. Nonetheless, the questions are still valid and I encourage to go read them if you haven't already. I have asked myself these questions all week. I have tried to see through a different lens. But my answers come back the same.  We have to live our lives within our own moral compass. Mine is based on my belief in God and in what I believe the Bible teaches. The Bible allows for Christians to have differing opinions from each other. We do not all have to have the exact same comfort zone. But is that all there is?

 One question I did not ask myself is this: Can I do anything that would protect my neighbor from what may be a stumbling block to them? The answer is no. I did not consider this.  In hindsight, I probably should not have made my pictures so readily available for viewing. We all have a choice as to what we click on, what we look at, watch, or read. There are things I won't click on, but you will. The opposite is just as true. Just as what may be a stumbling block to my neighbor might not be a stumbling block to me. Where do we go from here?

 I think the answer would be that while I can (and will) continue to work within my own moral compass, I will not put my work in such a place where my neighbor cannot help but see it. In other words, I will still shoot what I shoot, I will still put the pictures on my website, and I will still post some of them to my photography Instagram account. What I will not do is post my pictures on Facebook, or links to my pictures on Facebook.  People can choose to follow my photography account, they can choose to browse to my website. True, they can also choose to click the links I post, but ultimately that is their choice. What I am doing is making the choice to not see my work a little easier. By taking this route, the choice is out of my hands. No links, no advertising. Unless you choose to follow my photography account or choose to navigate to my website.

And so, my journey continues. I will continue to shoot pictures. I will continue to create concepts that intrigue me, and to find a model that will work with me in capturing these concepts in photographs. I will not guarantee that every concept or picture will fit within everyone's comfort zone. That would be impossible. I will shoot through my own lens. I will work harder at evaluating a shoot, but I will not apologize if it is not exactly what others think it should be. My conscience will continue to be my guide.

This week has been difficult. But when I came to the decision not to quit, and when I talked with my wife about it, a weight was lifted off my heart and my mind. Discussions will continue regarding this subject. It can be controversial, only because we all have differing opinions of right and wrong.  But I feel at peace. And I like this feeling a lot.



  1. Your strength to post this so private yet "Public" quandary is undeniable. But you don't need these words to live here forever, for they are in your heart and your mind and the conversations you have cherished with your loved ones. I think that you should take these last two posts down, not because of shame, or fear. But because those that don't understand will never understand that the strength you poses to follow your dreams and the strength you possess to talk about them here in public is the same strength that holds your beliefs true.
    Delete these last two posts, or delete this comment, for your life is your own and anonymous words should never do more than tell you that people that know you, work with you , play with you, live around you admire the strengths that make you who you are.

  2. Thank you so much, kind stranger for your words. I truly appreciate them. I won't take down these posts. In my heart it feels like I would be erasing something from myself. And I won't delete this comment. It is thoughtful and kind. And I will always respect those types of comments.

    Thank you again.