Darkness

Dear reader,

This is the 4th piece I wrote for the Anxiety collaboration. It is the darkest of them all. This one shows the progression, or rather, the regression of my mindset as I wrote. My mindset was dark, darker and darkest, and then went back up. I believe the poems I wrote reflect that. If you've read the previous two pieces I wrote for the collaboration, I think you will see it as well.

After I wrote this piece, I knew right away that it would not make the cut. It never had a chance to be the final submission to the artist. But I kept it, as it is part of the journey. If I recall correctly, it was this piece that convinced me I did not want to go really dark for my final piece. And so, this poem taught me a lot...about myself, about my poetry, and about what I wanted to contribute to Nicky's collaboration set. 

Once again I urge you to not read too much into the words in relation to myself. I do not feel the emotion as written. But please do read the words knowing that somewhere, somebody feels this. The emotion is real. Maybe we can't relate. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Rod E. Kok
March 2014

Darkness.

Laying here, alone
        weary
          empty

I've withdrawn into
deep shadows

I can't see the pain

but your voice,
   your condescending rage
rattles against my cage.

I've never understood
you...I blame the drink
for randomly possessing

your eyes
seeing me as a target.

I don't know what to
expect.
   physical or mental
it's all torment.

I'm sick of walking
on the eggshells which litter
that fabric which we used to
lay on
   together.

Now I hide from you,
   from your demons that can't find me
in my darkness.

Darkness.